Did you ever join a new company, just to find out no one had any idea what to do with you? You're not alone. Software Organizations invest so much on optimizing talent sourcing and work processes, it's amazing how the link connecting the two – engineer onboarding – is often neglected.

In this talk, I'll point out common "Anti-Patterns" in engineer onboarding, mixing comedy and tragedy. I'll touch some of the underlying reasons why these mishaps are so widespread. Finally, I'll describe the onboarding program at WeWork, and share what we got right as we brought 50 engineers up to speed both technically and culturally in under 3 weeks (Hint: it has to do with empathy and lunch).